Ms. P's Christmas List

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday! Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, I still hope you had a lovely weekend. We finally got through all of the interesting family get-togethers and we are DONE.

I have to share one of my favorite moments of the weekend. My youngest son and my daughter still believe in Santa. I think my daughter knows better, but she won't admit it yet. On Friday they came to me with lists for Santa. What was this? They had added to their lists and wanted to leave them for Santa by the fireplace.

I explained to them that Santa was loading up the sleigh and it was too late to ask Santa for more stuff. The Santa deadline for ordering was December 15th and he was way too busy to make more stuff.

My son bought this and was fine with it. My daughter sat there and argued with me. She wanted to add a pink violin (a horrible Barbie pink monstrosity) to what she wanted. What Santa already knew was that she wanted a Nintendo DS with Nintedogs - the chihuahua version - and Santa was smart enough to go ahead and pick up those at the beginning of December. I explained that what she had asked for was a "big" gift and that Santa was being generous bringing that.

She wasn't going for that. Oh no, the Nintendo was a small item so she should get two Santa gifts. I told her no, the DS was expensive and that it was a large gift from that perspective and that she should be happy with that.

"No, it can't be expensive. It's small and made by elves."

"Yes, it is still expensive for Santa to make because the elves still order the parts from the same place and Santa has to pay for licensing fees to reproduce the Nintendo DS."

"So Santa won't bring me the violin because he has to pay licensing fees."

"Yes. Why do you want a pink violin?"

"Because it will be fun to play! I could play it all of the time and get really good."

"I am sure you would play the violin really well if you tried and if you want to start playing the violin then why don't we get you a real one and you can take lessons."

"I want the Barbie violin."

"I will guarantee you that Santa will not bring you that. It's too late."

"Fine, I'll get it for Kwanza."

Christmas Countdown

I feel like I am running around like a crazy woman and getting nothing done! I am both looking forward to Christmas and having it over with. Here's an update:

Bug - Still alive (BTW, it is a beetle and not a roach. THERE ARE NO ROACHES HERE! Or I would move. Roaches are a huge phobia for me.)

Eggnog Latte Count - 17 (We're having the occasional two a days. I spent a lot of time in the car lately.)

Christmas Shopping - Soooooo not done.

I was really going to the bah humbug level, then I got cookies and now all is well with my world. People are so nice, really they are! And BMC is a KickAssRockingChick and she has my adoration! I wish for you all a lovely surprise in the mail and a wonderful week!

I've got a bug up my ass...

Some things are just a bad idea. Sending home a bug with someone's kid is one of them. What the hell do I do with THIS? I understand the IDEA of teaching my child about the "Circle of Life" and all of that crap. That's what I am PAYING you for. But WHYYEEE would you have my child NAME the flippin' thing and SEND IT HOOOOMMMMEEE??!!!?!?!?!?

Meet Bugalou. Yup, I spelled that right. My daughter, my sweet, animal-loving 2nd grader, was very particular about the name of this creature. I met Bugalou about a month-and-a-half ago when Ms. P. jumped in the van during car pool and announced that she has a new "pet" to take care of. I turned to see a baby food jar with corn meal and a brown bug in it. Yech.

Ms. P. informed me that she had raised him since he was a baby and that he was very smart. She was in lurrve - with this damn bug. Being the kind and gentle mom that I am, I thought to myself, "well, how long can this thing live?"

Apparently - FOREVER!!!

I didn't know what to do with it (him? her? it? sheit?) so I did the only thing I know to do...I called Mabel. She is brilliant, and a science teacher! She'll know what to do! After the intial giggling at my predicament (because she is soooo sensitive to my emotions!) she tells me how to take care of this new addition to our little family.

So I have followed her wise counsel and have given the bug fresh oats and apples. Mabel also said that sheit should only live about 30 days. Yea, lucky me, I have a spritey bug. A spiteful bug. A bug that just won't DIE.

I have pondered just setting sheit "free" outside with much pomp and circumstance for my daughter, but she is smart enough to know that sheit would die in the cold weather. She checks on sheit every day. I keep hoping that I will walk into the kitchen and find that sheit has gone on to bug heaven, but NO.

And now, I feel RESPONSIBLE for this creature. I feel guilty when I don't put in fresh apples. I feel bad if the bug is left too close to the window and it's too bright. I feel BAD. What is up with THAT?!?

Now hide and watch, when the damn thing does die, I will probably cry.

How do you do it?

I can't seem to get my shit together. I used to be organized. Before I had children I had a "real" job and I was great at it. I could keep 15 projects going at once. I knew where each one was at all times. I knew how to get my jobs printed even if I missed my press time. I had art files on each job and I was meticulous on organizing them. I could answer any question by any client at any time.

Now, 10 years later, I am a wreck. I have to keep track of my kids and their various activities. And I am trying to keep my house together. I can't get it all done and it is driving me INSANE! I have piles of crap everywhere. I can't quite get them all put away.

My kids work against me. I have to threaten them with torture to get them to put anything away. I am considering the drastic action of the eBay mom who sold everything her family left on the floor for a week:

Mom sells family's stuff on eBay. Jessica Schickel got sick and tired of picking up after her husband and two children. To teach them a lesson, she collected everything they left out for one week, and auctioned the contents on eBay. The winning bidder offered to give Schickel the items and her bid of more than $300, but Schickel is going to donate it all to charity.

Yeah, I wish I had thought of that!

I am trying to work from home. My husband is now working in another state during the week (a very long story!) so I have to get it together or I will lose a kid or a dog in the mess. I would love to get my business off of the ground, but that seems to always be the last thing I get to during the day.

I am considering the fact that I may be ADD. I don't know. Or I am just a sad case of Super Inorganization and I need an intervention.

I know there are lots of people who pull off working and keeping their home well. How do you do it? I am open to all suggestions.

Eggnog Latte Count

Grande - 9

Venti - 1

Days left to drink Eggnog Lattes - 24

Pounds gained - I don't even want to know!

Damn you Starbucks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you all enjoy a beautiful holiday! I am thankful that I have gotten to know you - even if it's just a little bit. Be safe and eat well!
Love, Gina

The Holidays have arrived

We have many lovely Thanksgiving traditions! We always have dinner at my MIL's on Friday. I am still the only person who watches the Macy's Parade. I can't quite figure out how to stage the cooking to be done at the same time. Oh, and my personal favorite, there is always a child who is sick or needs stitches.

This year we went for.....PINK EYE!

I didn't notice anything wrong with Saw until right after my daughter's playdate left! Yup! I am that lucky. Nothing more fun than calling another mom on a Holiday weekend and telling them their child has been exposed to a nasty looking, highly contagious thing just in time for the family photos.

I knew what it was and didn't think anything was too horrible. My husband called his sister, mother of five children, to see if they had any pink eye drops they could share. She did so we put some stuff in and sent the boy to bed.

Let me explain that we have had this here a few times. There's gunk, the eye is red, the drops fix them right up, and we all move on. But! I should have remembered it's a holiday week! Or I would have been prepared for what I discovered this morning.

I go in to wake up Saw expecting to see a gunky eye like I have before. He was peacefully curled up in a ball and I could not see the offending eye. I gently roll him over to see where we are at and I had to take a step back. His eye was the size of a friggin golf ball! It was hugely swollen and a lovely dark blue. His lid was stuck shut with bright orange gunk. Did you know that we could make BRIGHT ORANGE gunk? I didn't know this. This was new. After three kids and 10 years anything new kinda freaks you out!

I immediately thought "OOOHMYGAAAWWWDDDD! My child has something horrible and I didn't take it seriously enough! Oh, I am a horrible mother! What if there's glass in there? What if it's a strange tropical disease! What if he looses his eye because I was so blase? Whhhyyyyeeee?!?!?!" Outwardly, I remained calm and explained to my son why he couldn't open up his eye and that he wasn't blind.

My husband comes waltzing in and jumps back. He said that maybe the boy should go to the doctor! Now I am really freaking. If my husband thinks they should go, then they look pretty damn bad!

I finally got off permahold with the receptionist and got an appointment. I am greatly relieved. I get everyone loaded up and we rush up there to be on time. Saw is scaring people as we walk in. Peri is explaining to people that he's got THE PINK EYE like it's some sort of magical power. We get our paperwork and go back to the waiting room.

Sitting in the waiting room of my pediatrician's office is not always horrible. Today was kind of fun because I had the scariest child! It was finally my turn again. As we were walking down the hall I explained to Saw that he couldn't touch anything or anybody so he wouldn't get them sick. There is always at least one baby there and Sawyer likes to talk to them.

I am walking into this room with a child who has a giant, freakish, red, puffy eye oozing bizarre gunk. Today was apparently BABY DAY at the doc's office! Not one, not two, but FIVE babies in this little room. Two were a set of twins so there were only four mothers holding their little babies in terror at the monstrosity that stood before them.

Of course, every one of them were first timers so there was plenty of thick fear in the air. The only other parent was a dad with his older son. He didn't bother to even look up from his paper. Typical!

I sat off to the side with my kids. I made Saw sit on the floor waaaaay far away from the babies. After a couple of minutes of shared looks between the four of them, I could no longer take it. I turned to them and explained that he had pink eye and it was contagious, but that I would not let him get near any of them.

They all warily settled down, but I could see the wheels a-turning in their tired little heads. I used to think that way when I had my first child...

"Oh my gawd, that woman let her kid get a horrible disease! And it's nasty! I will never let that happen to my child!"

I looked at them, as they were called away one by one, and remembered how it was. Then I had a good mental giggle and guffaw and held my freak of a son's hand!

So after all of this, it was pink eye. He looks better already and I even got samples! Crouching Mommy would be sooo proud!

Children v.2

must. not. kick. out. children!




I think I am pms-ing.

Children bring such joy!

I just want to cry sometimes. I had to throw down the gauntlet and tell my kids to STOP TRASHING MY STUFF. Now they are not complete little heathens, but they are close. My van, my poor van, is a nasty mess. Spots from dropped drinks and candy are all over it.

Then there is the DOOR issue. We have spent the week remembering that that particular door is BROKEN. The service guys managed to put it back on and we all have respected this - until yesterday. My son, the anal, bossy one, forgot about said door and when I parked the van, he pops up and promptly opens the broken door and allows it to go KAWAP. I was watching this in slow motion unable to stop it.

The door now cannot be closed. I tried to get it back on its tracks and shut it, but I couldn't. So the door is barely hanging on. While I was trying to do this, I was on the phone with my sweet friend Lisa discussing our school options (VERY important at this point) and my goofy 10-year-old is running around yelling "I'm sorry! I will pay for the damages!" I glared at him to get him to hush. I finished my phone call with Lisa and I tried in vain again to shut the door.

No luck.

We went inside and my other kids were doing the classic "oooohhhh, you are sooooo in troooouuuubbble!" thing to oldest son, who was not amused by this. He is a really good kid so I can't be too mad at him, but whyyyyeeee can't he use his head and THINK?!? sometimes?

There is that little line that all of us have. On one side is mild annoyance and on the other side is OHMYGAAAAAWWWWWD! I was waaaayyy over on the OMG side at the moment I walked into the house. I do try very hard not to lose it with my kids so I calmly walked into the kitchen to put the backpacks and lunchboxes away.

My forgetful son walks in behind me and says again "I will pay for all of the damages!" in a very sad voice. I had to laugh at that moment. How will you pay for it? With what? I asked him if he had a new job I didn't know about. Was he sneaking out at night to work the graveyard shift? Was he running a fabulously successful dot.com from the school's computer lab? Did he marry some rich girl and I hadn't noticed? Pay for the damages. har har snort!

So now we have to figure out how to run our weekend. We can't drive around in the van and hope the door doesn't completely fall off in the middle of the street. We will have to see if the just arrived husband can figure out how to get the door back on or we are down to one car. Of course there are birthday parties for my daughter to attend. And other errands to take care of. What a pain in the ass!

The soonest the dealership (the body shop said it would take two weeks) could get the van in was Monday. The kids only had to be careful until then, but NOOOOOOO, someone had to forget. Ugh!

This is definitely one of those stories I am saving for when my kids have their own children!

I want to keep this door please!

My kids figured out how to break the door off of our minivan. We have to park on a hill and a couple of years of opening the side door and just letting it go "kawap" all of the time took its toll and killed the roller. I took it into the dealership to see how much it was going to be to fix it. The first thing out of the service guy's mouth was "I haven't ever seen this before! I have no idea how to fix this, but I am sure I will figure it out." That instilled so much confidence in me. I decided to get a second opinion at a body shop. Hopefully they have done this sort of thing before and I will be able to drive down the highway without fearing that the side of my mom-mobile won't fly off.

I paint, therefore I avoid my crazy family

I am using the excuse of having too many projects to avoid having Thanksgiving Dinner at my house this year. I had it last year, I should be off the hook for at least three years. I have too much stuff to paint to clean up everything and have all of those cranky people here. I know that I am not the only person to have relatives that are INSANE, but when they're at my house, it feels that way. I could go on and on, but I will save it for right after the holiday so that I can bitch about current events.

I have been trying to catch up on my pottery. I usually have stuff listed on eBay and do a couple of shows, but that hasn't quite worked out this Fall. I need to get organized! I have slacked off on all of my projects. I am going to do better and get all of this stuff done before Christmas. Oh, or maybe right after Christmas so I don't have to have that here either!

Earlier I was showing off my class project handywork. I didn't throw those jars. I would love to take that kind of credit but I don't have time to throw right now. Those jars are just that plain bisque like you would paint at those paint-it-yourself places. Any of you could do it! Kid's fingerprints always make them precious.

Maybe later I will get a wheel and start doing that again, but right now I just use my slab roller. I use hump and slump molds to make my platters and bowls. A couple of years ago I started making hearts for my friends and they have taken off. I make lots of those now. I have a bunch I need to get painted and fired in my dining room right now. I love making them. They are my therapy along with my daily call to Mabel. They are like a magic 8 ball. If you are down and you need a pick-me-up you just reach into a bowl of these and pick one out. If you would like your own set of hearts just email me your address and I will send you some. It's the least I can do for all of my 12 readers!

This is what I do actually make myself:

I love polka dots and stripes - it's a personality flaw - I know! I have done a few weddings lately. These are some favors I did for a wedding last June...

Heidi, email me the colors you like and I will whip up some hip stuff - nothing foofy. I will make more big pieces this weekend. I don't have anything left to take pictures of. Yea, I'll spend Thanksgiving making dishes. That would be lovely!

In the earlier post I ranted about some of the moms up school. I did want to say that there are only three that irk me to no end because they are a little pack of arrogant wenches. They don't do anything, they just have an opinion about those who do. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. If you are helping, you can have an opinion. If you don't do anything but show up, then keep your mouth shut about how things were done. Telling me or the other moms who spent all day up at school getting stuff ready for an event how we could have done it better will only make me want to throttle you.

Most of the moms are great. We have a lot of parent participation, even with all of the drama going on up there. There are the typical ones that are too busy to be bothered - both working and SAH. The only working moms that piss me off are the ones that assume I am not doing anything all day because I don't go to an office. I have a great respect for the working moms who also show up at school. I wanted to clarify that, Crouching Mommy has some moms that irk her, too. After reading her post I am proud to say that I do not own any seasonal vests, I can't speak for Mable though.

Happy Birthday Mabel!

Gertie and Mabel - 1988

She is a friend of my mind...The pieces I am she gather them and

give them back to me in all the right order.

- Toni Morrison

Today Mabel enters her 39th year. And we enter the 20th year of our friendship. She is my wonderful, sweet, brilliant, darling friend. I cannot imagine my life without her. She is my connection to reality. My compass.

Mabel didn't like me at first. I walked up to her and started talking. She tried to walk away and I followed her still talking, too oblivious to realize that she thought I was a dingbat. She realized that she couldn't shed me and accepted her fate. She became my friend.

God brought us together when we were both going through some very rough times. Polar opposites that fit together to form a union of friendship, loyalty, and trust. We came from very different lives, but at that moment we were on the same level and could totally understand each other when no one else could.

There are millions of moments I can think of with Mabel. Being roommates in several crappy apartments. Crying together over stupid boys. Mabel and I teaching others the fine art of jumping in the fountains downtown and charming the cops that stopped by to let us. Each of us eating an entire pint of vanilla Hagen-Daz ice cream with frosted animal crackers while watching movies. Driving around in her P-O-S orange car with the windows rolled down laughing our asses off. Playing New Order or The Cure as loud as we could and singing along. Wherever we were, we could always get everyone else to dance.

Oh, we had soooo much fun. And we took care of each other. Even when we fought and weren't speaking to each other we still kept tabs on what the other one was doing. The way we always made up after a fight was that one of us would show up or call the other one to talk about something that was going on. We couldn't stand not to have an opinion about what was going on with each other.

Mabel became a grown-up long before I did. She still put up with me and mothered me a lot. She finished school and got her teaching degree. She got married. She moved to another state to start her career. We still occasionally talked. But there was a distance while we transitioned. This is where most people would stop being friends. But we still were, even without speaking. We went a long time until one day she just felt like she should call. I was going through a strange time in my life and her timing was perfect. I really needed her. We went from not speaking for three years to talking every day again.

She just knows when I need something. She will call me right when I am going to call her and cry on her shoulder. When I had a horrible miscarriage, I called her from the hospital collect and she listened to me cry without saying a word for 45 minutes. She helps me formulate my thoughts and she listens to what I am really saying. She once drove six hours out of her way with her husband in tow on her way back home from a cross country trip to check on me in person because I sounded funny on the phone. In spite of what I am saying she always knows what's really going on with me.

She has been a constant source of love for me. I don't feel I could ever do enough for her. I try very hard to be a good friend to her. I do my best to remind her that she is doing a great job in her life. She is a psychotic perfectionist. She gets mad at herself for not figuring out stuff that takes other people years to get in 10 minutes. She will look at something and figure out a plan immediately. She manages to do more things in a day than most people while taking care of three kids by herself and then bitch that she isn't doing enough. That's why I get to be her friend. I remind her that she is doing enough and that she doesn't have to have everything perfect.

When we became friends, we were just babies. Then we grew up and had babies. During the next twenty years we get to watch our babies grow up. We are Aunties to each others children and we each know all of their stories. Our children have two moms. I am comforted to know that if anything were to happen to me, my children will still have me. Mabel will keep my spirit around for them.

I wish I could do more for you Ms. Mabel. You are the best friend that I have ever had and I adore you. Thank you for taking care of me, listening to me, and being there for me. You are truly a wonderful person and the world is a better place because you are in it.

Happy Birthday!
Love, Gertie

Halloween Festivis Recap

Halloween and all of the crap that goes with it is finally over. It's funny how I used to look forward to the parties and fun. Now it's always a gigantic planning odyssey. Ugh!

Fall Fest was great for the kids. Most of the parents stood around in little groups bitching about how bad off the school was and gossiping about who was leaving. The auction projects came out well - thank the Lord! I managed to get the auction done, run the Kindergarten games and not throw up. Always a good thing.

Here are a couple of the auction thingies I got done. Now - please understand that the goal is to have the kids on there somehow. Preschool is hard because they are like grabbing a chicken to get something done and the Kindergartners are not much better, but they can write their name. So please, super ubber hip chicks - no mocking. If and when you decide to have children and they get into school there will be many auctions and fundraisers that you will be just as wacky about as I am. And when you get there, you will have my pity.


The moms who are already there understand the fingerprint process. In, out, relatively painless. Throw on some details at home and you're good to go. The grandparents always eat this junk up!

I did find out something deep about myself on Saturday. During the Fall Fest, not one, not two, but FOUR people didn't know who I was. The reason? I wasn't wearing a hat. Isn't that pathetic? I am always in sweats and a baseball hat. I don't wear makeup very often. Honestly it's not a "awww - isn't she a sad freak woman" thing. It's just that I work at home. Half of the time I am painting something or making pottery. So I don't see the need to wear makeup if I am in my "work" clothes. I can fix my hair, but I hate it in my face so I wear the hat to keep it out of my face and to keep paint out of it. I do go to school from time to time with my hair fixed and makeup on. But apparently, not often enough. I really didn't think it made that much of a difference in the ability to recognize me. Gawd, some of these people.

I can dress up if I feel compelled to. I just don't that often. And yes Crazy Virgo (I'm so sorry about Molly!) - I occasionally wear sweater sets. They are required at Tea Socials. So here is a picture of me with my son. I am wearing makeup and I bothered to fix my hair. Apparently this is a rare thing so I am posting this as proof that it can happen. It is highly likely that if I ever meet or run into any of you that I will be in sweats and have a hat on. Probably the pink Oklahoma State one. That Mabel bought me.

Sunday (back in my hat) we made the DOH! move and took the kids to trick or treat at the Zoo. We had our three plus three more. Six kids to keep track of in the middle of 13,000 people. Yup, 13,000 people. That had to be one of the stupidest things we have ever done. Of course the kids had a great time.

Today my two youngest went trick or treating in a large office building next to their school. And tonight we went through our favorite neighborhood. We have so much crap. Bags and bags of crap.

Now that everyone is asleep I am going to go through it all and get all of the Snickers bars. Tomorrow I get to enjoy taking down all of the Halloween decorations. Which will force me to dust - not my favorite thing. I will be wearing the hat.

TypePad should listen to Bite My Cookie!

This week has been awful. We have our Fall Fest at school tomorrow. Thank GOD it's about over. We have a little auction of class projects to cover the cost of this neato little event and I have done 3 of them this week. Three cookie jars with fingerprints all over them. And I have been so sick.

Why I only get deathly ill when I have a shitload of things to do - I don't know. I never get this sick when I can take the good stuff and sleep for twelve hours. I am a light weight when I take any kind of medication. I got to enjoy painting details on these cookie jars when I really couldn't see straight. Then I glazed them.

I have no idea WHAT they are gonna look like when they come out of the kiln tomorrow. I hope they are fine because I have reached that special place where I keep all of my psychotic bitchiness and I am so willing to tell a couple of the other mothers at school what I really think of them if they have anything to say about the quality of my projects.

It's getting ugly up there. We were pondering moving to another part of the city so that the kids could go to a good public school. But Monday my husband was offered a job he has been interviewing for since August. Yea. So we get to move to Dallas and get the kids out of that place. I should probably keep my mouth shut. For a month.

That will give me time to practice my rants so they come out really clever. I need to. I don't think they would get where I was coming from if I just stand there and scream YOU JACKASS WHORES at them.

Yep, I'm a lady.

I hope I can figure out how to sound as good as Bite My Cookie does. She's pissed at TypePad. They should listen to her. If they don't then I may just have to call them jackass whores, too!

gina meme time

I feel so lucky. I have not been reading blogs for very long and I feel like I found most of the cool chicks already. And a couple of cool boys. And of course they are doing fun and hip stuff. I am having fun following them. I am going to copy them. Maybe some day they will let me sit at their hip chick lunch table. Besides, Crazy Virgo said we should all do this meme.

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. Hold all of my grandchildren
2. Figure out how to take care of roses and not kill them
3. Have a house in London
4. Learn how to really paint
5. Speak French fluently
6. Go shopping all over Europe with Mabel
7. Own an amazing boutique

7 Things I Cannot Do:

1. Cook
2. Move gracefully
3. Finish something before starting something else
4. Math
5. Not check every blog on my blog list every day
6. Not kiss my kids on the head less than 10 times a day
7. Keep my mouth shut when I am really pissed

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex

1. Humor
2. The ability to be self-deprecating
3. A great chest
4. Brilliant creativity
5. An appreciation of clever girls
6. Intelligence
7. Manners

7 Things I say most often

1. Fuck
2. That's a grown-up word - you can't say it
3. I love you (sweet baby, cookies, daahling, mostest)
4. Go tell your dad
5. You are brilliant
6. Fucking idiot! Learn how to drive!
7. Yes, I am still working on the website

7 Celebrity Crushes

1. Colin Firth - He has the sexiest walk on the planet and I have adored him since Valmont
2. Clive Owen - He just looks like he soooo knows how to kiss
3. Mike Rowe - Wicked sense of humor - always a great thing!
4. Viggo Mortensen - But only as Aragorn and only up until he sings
5. David Duchovney - and his wife Tea Leoni for that matter - they are my celebrity couple crush
6. Jon Stewart - Sexy, clever, and brilliant!
7. Alan Rickman - Gorgeous British Man

7 favorite foods to eat on the couch

1. Cheez-Its - they are evil, evil, evil
2. Chocolate Chip Cookies
3. Hershey's Kisses
4. Cookie Dough Ice Cream
5. Hideaway Pizza
6. Chips and Borden's French Onion Dip
7. A bowl of Special K

Yea! I did it. My first meme about me me. Now git on it Mabel!

Where did this come from?

A conversation from today:

Saw the Super Six Year Old: Mom, how do you spell bosom?

Me: (Caught off guard) Why do you want to know?

Saw the Super Six Year Old: Is there a Z in it? Is it b-u-z-z-u-m-z?

Me: Noooo, um it's b-o-s-o-m. When did you hear this? Who was talking about bosoms?

Saw the Super Six Year Old: What are you so grumpy about?

Me: I'm not grumpy, I just want to know who was talking about this with you.

Saw the Super Six Year Old: It's Grandma, in the booook (exasperated face).

Me: What book?

Saw the Super Six Year Old: WHAAAAATTTT ARRRRE YOUUUU SOOO GRUMPYEEEEE AAABBOUUUUTTT (thinks to himself - did Mom bump her head?) You know, the kids get lost in there.

Me: OOOOHHH, yea, What Are You So Grumpy About. Ok, now I know what is going on. The book I have read to you a hundred times (did I bump my head?).

Saw the Super Six Year Old: Yea, so b-o-s-o-m. Are you sure there isn't a Z?

Me: Yup, I'm sure there's no Z in bosom.

Ms. P: (just breezing through the room) Bosom is another word for boobs!

I need a nap.

Buzzy's Adventure

Each child in my son's Kindergarten class gets to spend a week with Buzzy the Bear. Each child is supposed to do something with the bear, take pictures doing stuff with the bear, and then record all of this in Buzzy's Journal. What I love about these cute little assignments is the fact that they cannot be done by the child. So this is actually an assignment for me. Yea. I don't have enough to do anyway - why not!

The 10 year old had no interest in helping. Ms. P. jumped all over helping Saw and away we went. Thank goodness no one had thought of going to the Oklahoma City Museum of Art yet. So that is where Buzzy's Adventures begin.

We bebop on in to the museum. We have a membership so I thought we could just slip in really fast, get this done, and move on. I went on this little jaunt dressed in sweats, no make-up on, wearing a ball hat - my loveliest, let me tell ya.

As we walk in I am horrified to see that a swanky reception is going on in the lobby. I was severely under dressed. And I was dragging two kids with me - the latest in Fall Accessories. Oh well. I get permission from all of the powers that be at the front desk to take pictures in the museum. We can take flash photos in front of the Chihuly glass pieces.

So here is Buzzy's first photo in the museum. Keep in mind that standing behind me as I shoot this photo are about 200 very well dressed people drinking cocktails. I didn't feel conspicuous at all! The Chihuly Tower behind the kids is awe inspiring in person. The museum was designed around it.








Interesting side note: DO NOT let your child put their fingers in the water (even a little bit!) around the base of the Tower. It has chemicals in it to keep it clear and pretty and it makes the two museum security people sitting at their little swanky desk up front flip out! They will give you a detailed explanation about this happily in front of two hundred well dressed people that includes looks of disdain and finger pointing. I think the feeling of "why can't you control your children" was just a freebie they threw in. I wanted one more shot, check out how Saw is NOT putting his fingers in the water and keeping a smart eye on the museum security people.





After that fun little interlude I practically threw the kids in the elevator to go upstairs. Here is Buzzy in a swanky museum elevator.












It is really hard to appreciate how beyond amazing the Chihuly glass pieces are. The pictures just don't do it. But Buzzy did get to see them in person. Now in this shot there is an adorable little man in a Blue Museum Blazer standing behind me making sure I take the picture correctly. Full service is our museum's middle name!











This is in the hallway in the middle of the exhibit and the ceiling is full of glass pieces. It is soooo cool!



After this I thought Buzzy could go to the new library across the street. So we got to walk through 200 well dressed people one more time. This time I run into a lovely woman I know and got to chat among the two hundred well dressed people with two children who were ready to go to the library.

Good times.






The Ronald J. Norick Downtown Library is gorgeous and Buzzy was very excited. Here they are out in front after our harrowing adventure crossing the street.












Finally we made it inside and Buzzy got to see the amazing Children's Library. We just love this place. I think the kids took all of the summer classes this year.












Buzzy was only allowed to check out two books this time. He decided to take his time.













After a while, I got tired of the book searching and decided we should go home and eat some dinner. In a lame attempt to fill up our share of the book I took this picture with the VERY NICE Officer Perry. This cracked up our daughter Peri and she thought it was cool that she had the same name as a POLICE MAN!







I hope this is enough work for Saw to do! And I hope Mrs. G. thinks he did a good job.

Such a busy chick!

I admit I am a follower. I went to You can't make this stuff up today to check in on Marit's adventures and she had done this. So, of course, I had to go to Googlism immediately to check out my name....

Apparently I am a porn star

gina is a 8thstreetlatina trying to f*** her way into america si, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do - and do it a lot!

gina is standing in the doggy style pose and laura is ******* her just part of the "get into America" plan.

gina is f****** for a better life is that what I'm doing? I thought I was just married.

gina is pregnant no, that ship has sailed far, far away

gina is incredibly cute yup, that one's true

gina is gorgeous it's like they KNOW me!

gina is hard at work recording her demo album under the vision of producers I will premiere the video here next spring

gina is the biggest f****** bitch ever omg! they really do know me!

gina is a miracle I know you all feel that way!

gina is to communicate with an external device such as a smart now we're back to the "get into America" plan

gina is so wise; i have to listen carefully to catch her thickened speech isn't everyone smarter when they are smashed? I think so!

gina is naive and new in town finally, I made it to America, I am tired and sore.

gina is a usdf certified instructor and currently has 16 horses and their owners in training at the farm and her day is rounded out with about 10 additional and utilizing my skills here

gina is developing a clear sense of who she is and how to use her creative powers with the greatest efficiency I make sure all of my porn movies have a fully developed story line and I get them shot in one day.

gina is currently working in the active rehabilitation of repetitive overuse injuries in the porn industry that's called multi-tasking

gina is to return to bali for a show at the hard rock hotel later this year after my studio work is done

gina is available for private consultations and telepathic communication sessions by phone it's like I know YOU

gina is licensed to practice law in massachusetts and the district of columbia I am a smart porn star - just protecting my interests

gina is going to raise her eyebrow when acting the ultimate porn trick


Now go googlism yourself and see how busy you are!

Safety? PU shaw!

In my husband's family, I am the obnoxious sister-in-law. He has THREE sisters. It is a party for me, let me tell ya. They are nice enough to my face. We can actually go to his mother's and enjoy Christmas. So I don't bitch a lot. I am restrained and do not tell them my opinion - very much. They are restrained and do not tell me their opinion - to my face. They are nice enough to bitch about me to my husband when I am not around.

There are a lot of reasons to dislike me.

- I actually decorate my house.

- I buy my clothes at stores other than Walmart.

- I buy my kids clothes at stores other than Walmart.

- I pay more that $15 for a hair cut.

- I spend time making art.

- I don't spend enough time selling my art to justify doing it.

- I spend too much time selling my art to justify doing it.

- I have too many rich friends.

- I put my kids in private school (actual quote: "Well, if you put them in your neighborhood school and they do get beaten up by thugs, they will learn to toughen up.")

- I have not moved to the small town they all live in.

- I don't make my husband do enough.

- I make my husband do too much.

This is my personal favorite: I MAKE MY CHILDREN SIT IN CARSEATS!

Don't you think I am crazy?!?

These are people who ride around holding a two year old in their lap as they are driving down to the Walmart. Since I gave birth to my son years ago this has been an issue. I would make my in-laws put the baby carrier in the back seat when they were taking him home for a visit. This just chapped my mother-in-law because that forced her to sit back there if she wanted to look at the baby. I am just a worrywart about that silly old airbag!

My sisters-in-law roll their eyes at me A LOT about this. Today my husband's oldest sister came by to take the kids to the zoo. It was very sweet of her. I don't mind that she hangs out with the kids in spite of the fact that she obviously loathes me.

I offered to let her take my van so we wouldn't have to move the seats. She said that she wouldn't feel comfortable driving my car. So then I proceed to go out to get the carseats to put them in her car.

We have two kids that have to sit in them. They are just booster seats and I don't think they are such big a deal. But to her they are. WHY? Ugh! Again, for the 100th time - Why do they need carseats? Aren't they getting old enough just to sit in the seat?

Well, NO! Ironically, the State of Oklahoma passed a booster seat law last year. The fine is $240 if a child under 5' or under 80 pounds is not in a booster seat. The LAW is on my side. Austin, our oldest is tall enough and weighs enough to get out of the booster. But Ms. P only weighs 68 pound and is 4'4" tall. And of course, Saw is only in Kindergarten and has a good two or three years left in his seat.

Why, honestly, would you care if you were taking my kids somewhere and I wanted them in carseats? What is the big thing that makes my in-laws get so miffed about this? When we were getting the seats out of our van M. stood there and still said "you guys are just silly."

I swear I could just strangle this woman. But I didn't. I just smiled at her and kept my mouth shut.

Like a good sister-in-law.

Baby Lovefest

We are having a love fest here. I am not ready for this. How did my children get old enough to start "liking" people? This is getting strange.

My 10 year old son likes a darling girl in his class. She likes him. Their relationship involves doing class work together. I noticed during Friday recess duty that they do a lot of chatting. OK, that is not that big a deal. Up until now he has been oblivious to the girls who like him. He is a good sweet boy and it will take him a while to catch on to the whole boy/girl thing. He is one of those studious, responsible types. Girls have not been a priority to him. So I thought I had more time to wrap my mind around this.

But - my daughter decided to start liking boys. This is new. Up until now she has been adored by all of the boys in her class and one aberrant third grader. Last year one of the boys actually gave her flowers for her birthday. Her response was "oh, thanks." Not a big deal. She didn't really "like" anyone. She just went through the world assuming everyone thought she was great.

Now all of a sudden, Dylan is wonderful.

Dylan is a darling boy. He was very quiet last year. This year he is a little more extroverted.

I guess she has noticed.

I had no idea this was coming until we got our school pictures back last week. Ms. Peri and I were looking at her class photo and I mentioned that everyone looked nice in the picture. She gazed at the photo and said in a quiet voice, "and Dylan is handsome." Alarm bells immediately went off in my head. Ugh, must start the *BIG* Boy Conversations. SHE'S ONLY EIGHT!

So I asked her, "uhm, so do you think Dylan is cute now?" She promptly rolls her eyes at me (I can't believe that's already started!) and says "Mooom!" I had to stifle a gulp/snicker and ask her if she thought he was a nice boy.

"Yes, Mom! He is very nice! Stop embarrassing me!"

As she stomped off in a huff because I embarrassed her I thought OMG! The DRAMA begins in earnest.

Now my youngest son has always been "the man" in his Pre-School class. We will never forget the Sawyer/Daisy/Thatcher Loooove Triangle. Now he is in a deep and meaningful relationship with Harriet. He is sad because this year he went on to Kindergarten and she was left behind in Pre-School.

He asked if he could call her this morning. He thought it was only fair that he get to call someone after watching his brother talk to one of his buddies about a video game and his sister talk to one of her friends about their Halloween costumes.

Oh what the heck - I gave her mom a call and asked her if it would be alright for them to talk. She is really cool and she thought it was cute and let Harriet talk. Saw and Harriet chatted for an HOUR. An HOUR! They talked about Halloween, they talked about cartoons, they gossiped about their classmates. If not for the subject matter, they could have been at a cocktail party.

After their conversation, he asked me to arrange lunch with her at McDonald's. Does it count as a date if both her mom and I have to be there?

This is where I am starting to get freaked out.

Kid quote of the day....

"Hey mom, my armpits are sweaty - and they smell like chocolate!"

wha?

Deep Mothering Question #1

I do not understand this phenomenon:

Week nights - children extremely difficult to get into bed. Energy abounds and talking won't stop.

Week days - children extremely difficult to get out of bed. Crankiness abounds and whining won't stop.

Weekend nights - children pass out around 8:30 pm.

Weekend mornings - children wake up at 6:30 am in chipper moods and want to spend quality time with groggy parents.

Why?

Question of the day

When did my house become such a wreck?

I have three children, one husband, and two dogs. None of them are particularly good at picking up after themselves. Just how many Yu-gi-oh cards do my sons have? There appears to be several hundred under my sofa.

Before I got married, I was a neat freak. I had a place for everything and everything in it's place. Now, I am still a neat freak with no idea where half our stuff is. But I am the one that should know.

Typical conversation at my house:

MOM!

PLEASE DON'T YELL AT ME! COME IN HERE AND ASK ME WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW!

MOM!

DO YOU HEAR ME?!? COME IN HERE AND ASK ME!

MOM, COULD YOU COME HERE PLEASE?

COME IN HERE AND ASK ME! I AM (insert any of the following: FOLDING THE LAUNDRY, TRYING TO COOK DINNER, CLEANING THE TOILET AGAIN, WASHING THE DOG, TRYING TO DO MY JOB, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY NEW BLOG) SO COME IN HERE.

MOM, WHERE ARE MY SHOES?

COME IN HERE!

Child finally comes into whatever room I am in....

Mom.

Yes.

Mom.

I said yes.

Oh, where are my shoes?

Aren't they in your cubby in you closet?

No.

Why not?

I don't know.

Well, if you would put them in your shoe cubby you would know where they are.

Can you help me find them?

Why can't you find them?

I don't know where they are.

Hence the need to go look for them.

But Dad said I can't go with him if I don't get my shoes on.

Then go look for them.

But I don't know where they are.

Go look for them.

Won't you help me?

No, you should know where your shoes are. You have a cubby.

But I forgot to put them in my cubby.

I know, so go look for them.

But I need help. Dad is ready to go.

If you had just started looking for them instead of begging me to help you, you would of found them by now.

But I don't know where they are.

Ugh, where did you take them off?

I don't know.

Go look by the sofa.

They're not there.

How do you know?

I just do.

Let's go look. See, you left them by the sofa.

Oh, I forgot.


I spend about 15 minutes a day really questioning my sanity.