26 December 2005

Ms. P's Christmas List

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday! Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, I still hope you had a lovely weekend. We finally got through all of the interesting family get-togethers and we are DONE.

I have to share one of my favorite moments of the weekend. My youngest son and my daughter still believe in Santa. I think my daughter knows better, but she won't admit it yet. On Friday they came to me with lists for Santa. What was this? They had added to their lists and wanted to leave them for Santa by the fireplace.

I explained to them that Santa was loading up the sleigh and it was too late to ask Santa for more stuff. The Santa deadline for ordering was December 15th and he was way too busy to make more stuff.

My son bought this and was fine with it. My daughter sat there and argued with me. She wanted to add a pink violin (a horrible Barbie pink monstrosity) to what she wanted. What Santa already knew was that she wanted a Nintendo DS with Nintedogs - the chihuahua version - and Santa was smart enough to go ahead and pick up those at the beginning of December. I explained that what she had asked for was a "big" gift and that Santa was being generous bringing that.

She wasn't going for that. Oh no, the Nintendo was a small item so she should get two Santa gifts. I told her no, the DS was expensive and that it was a large gift from that perspective and that she should be happy with that.

"No, it can't be expensive. It's small and made by elves."

"Yes, it is still expensive for Santa to make because the elves still order the parts from the same place and Santa has to pay for licensing fees to reproduce the Nintendo DS."

"So Santa won't bring me the violin because he has to pay licensing fees."

"Yes. Why do you want a pink violin?"

"Because it will be fun to play! I could play it all of the time and get really good."

"I am sure you would play the violin really well if you tried and if you want to start playing the violin then why don't we get you a real one and you can take lessons."

"I want the Barbie violin."

"I will guarantee you that Santa will not bring you that. It's too late."

"Fine, I'll get it for Kwanza."

15 December 2005

Christmas Countdown

I feel like I am running around like a crazy woman and getting nothing done! I am both looking forward to Christmas and having it over with. Here's an update:

Bug - Still alive (BTW, it is a beetle and not a roach. THERE ARE NO ROACHES HERE! Or I would move. Roaches are a huge phobia for me.)

Eggnog Latte Count - 17 (We're having the occasional two a days. I spent a lot of time in the car lately.)

Christmas Shopping - Soooooo not done.

I was really going to the bah humbug level, then I got cookies and now all is well with my world. People are so nice, really they are! And BMC is a KickAssRockingChick and she has my adoration! I wish for you all a lovely surprise in the mail and a wonderful week!

12 December 2005

I've got a bug up my ass...

Some things are just a bad idea. Sending home a bug with someone's kid is one of them. What the hell do I do with THIS? I understand the IDEA of teaching my child about the "Circle of Life" and all of that crap. That's what I am PAYING you for. But WHYYEEE would you have my child NAME the flippin' thing and SEND IT HOOOOMMMMEEE??!!!?!?!?!?

Meet Bugalou. Yup, I spelled that right. My daughter, my sweet, animal-loving 2nd grader, was very particular about the name of this creature. I met Bugalou about a month-and-a-half ago when Ms. P. jumped in the van during car pool and announced that she has a new "pet" to take care of. I turned to see a baby food jar with corn meal and a brown bug in it. Yech.

Ms. P. informed me that she had raised him since he was a baby and that he was very smart. She was in lurrve - with this damn bug. Being the kind and gentle mom that I am, I thought to myself, "well, how long can this thing live?"

Apparently - FOREVER!!!

I didn't know what to do with it (him? her? it? sheit?) so I did the only thing I know to do...I called Mabel. She is brilliant, and a science teacher! She'll know what to do! After the intial giggling at my predicament (because she is soooo sensitive to my emotions!) she tells me how to take care of this new addition to our little family.

So I have followed her wise counsel and have given the bug fresh oats and apples. Mabel also said that sheit should only live about 30 days. Yea, lucky me, I have a spritey bug. A spiteful bug. A bug that just won't DIE.

I have pondered just setting sheit "free" outside with much pomp and circumstance for my daughter, but she is smart enough to know that sheit would die in the cold weather. She checks on sheit every day. I keep hoping that I will walk into the kitchen and find that sheit has gone on to bug heaven, but NO.

And now, I feel RESPONSIBLE for this creature. I feel guilty when I don't put in fresh apples. I feel bad if the bug is left too close to the window and it's too bright. I feel BAD. What is up with THAT?!?

Now hide and watch, when the damn thing does die, I will probably cry.

04 December 2005

How do you do it?

I can't seem to get my shit together. I used to be organized. Before I had children I had a "real" job and I was great at it. I could keep 15 projects going at once. I knew where each one was at all times. I knew how to get my jobs printed even if I missed my press time. I had art files on each job and I was meticulous on organizing them. I could answer any question by any client at any time.

Now, 10 years later, I am a wreck. I have to keep track of my kids and their various activities. And I am trying to keep my house together. I can't get it all done and it is driving me INSANE! I have piles of crap everywhere. I can't quite get them all put away.

My kids work against me. I have to threaten them with torture to get them to put anything away. I am considering the drastic action of the eBay mom who sold everything her family left on the floor for a week:

Mom sells family's stuff on eBay. Jessica Schickel got sick and tired of picking up after her husband and two children. To teach them a lesson, she collected everything they left out for one week, and auctioned the contents on eBay. The winning bidder offered to give Schickel the items and her bid of more than $300, but Schickel is going to donate it all to charity.

Yeah, I wish I had thought of that!

I am trying to work from home. My husband is now working in another state during the week (a very long story!) so I have to get it together or I will lose a kid or a dog in the mess. I would love to get my business off of the ground, but that seems to always be the last thing I get to during the day.

I am considering the fact that I may be ADD. I don't know. Or I am just a sad case of Super Inorganization and I need an intervention.

I know there are lots of people who pull off working and keeping their home well. How do you do it? I am open to all suggestions.

01 December 2005

Eggnog Latte Count

Grande - 9

Venti - 1

Days left to drink Eggnog Lattes - 24

Pounds gained - I don't even want to know!

Damn you Starbucks!