21 May 2010

Special Assessment

I live in a nice neighborhood.  Most of the time, everything is just peachy. But when there is money due, the old broad treasurer goes a little nutty. We recently voted to replace the old sign out on the street. We got our bill for our share, and it clearly states that the special assessment is due by June 1st.

So, I figured I would pay it by June 1st.

This idea is not sitting well with Nutso Lady. She loves to send weekly emails like the following:

Hello Friends and Neighbors,

The old front entry sign on the east has been removed and we now have a light installed to illuminate the west side sign.  Things are progressing well with the new sign project.  All electric work is completed and Greenturf will be out within the next couple of days to extend irrigation lines for plants and bushes.

Everything is almost ready for the installation of the new sign, however, we only have about half of the 90 *Where I Live* homeowners who have paid the special assessment bill, which was mailed out at the beginning of May.  We wish to thank those homeowners who have paid, but want to remind the balance that the special assessment cost is considered the same as annual dues.  It is mandatory that payment is made timely.  Payment will be considered late if not received by May 31, 2010.            

Please forward your check in the amount of $160.00 to *Where I Live*HOA,

Thank you,

*Where I Live*HOA

After several of these, you know I'm just gonna wait until May 30th to mail that fucker.

And yes, I get on her last nerve.


04 May 2010

You can't make this up

Things said to me recently:

I was looking for you on Facebook. I thought I found you, but the profile picture was too pretty. Was that you? I want to friend you.

Wow! I go away for two weeks and come back and you look SO skinny! I can tell you've lost weight. Isn't it sad that the boobs are the first thing to go?

Some random chick at Panera Bread: Hi, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with your friend about weight, I happen to sell a product that can help you with your weight loss. It's all natural! Me: Oh, really, how much weight have you lost on it? Srcapb: Oh *smirk*, I've never needed to lose weight. Me: Oh, I don't use all natural products.

Things said about me recently:

Really cute single guy friend of a friend: Your friend Gina is hilarious! She's smart and cute! I need you find me the 30 year old version of her. (And this guy is OLDER than me.)

07 April 2010

A Quandry

I am pondering something today. When is something someone says a compliment? I have wondered lately.

I will be honest, I was chubbing up pretty good last year. I decided I had had enough and started working out again. I HATE working out. I would rather stick a fork in my eye. I really would. So, I thought I would try some different stuff until I found something I could stand to do on a regular basis.

One of the new things I tried was Zumba. Now, I know most of you will snicker at that, but it really is fun. Not only fun, but it burns a TON of calories. I have now lost over 30 pounds. Awesome, right? Not only that, I've made some really, really sweet friends. We have a little zumba posse. We have a great time.

Ok, so here's where the tricky part kicks in...how to take what some chicks say. A great example is

"Wow, you're starting to look good."

I know that it's great that I'm starting to look good. I know I didn't look that good before. But, really, do you HAVE to say it like that? All surprised? Like it's a shocker that I pulled it off? This is a statement I have heard more than once from chicks who don't normally give me the time of day and are skinny bitches to begin with.

How do I get across, you know, with words and not fists, that, while I appreciate the compliment, you sound to me like a snarky beeotch when you say it like that? And a smack upside that boney little head of yours is the proper response?

Maybe I'm just being sensitive.

03 April 2010

Dancing Queen

Dear Really Pretty Asian Girl in my Zumba class,

I am in awe of you in so many ways, I just had to share...

First, how have you managed to get through life so far with such severe personal space issues? I'm so very sorry that you can't seem to grasp how uncomfortable you can make people. It must hinder you in ways you don't even know. I have tried really hard not to accidentally smack you upside the head during class. I believe I lose more calories that way, so you've been ok, but my period is coming soon and I can't guarantee your safety during my pms, so good luck.

Second, I wish you knew how much I appreciate your little tiny body. It's sweet in a way and, yet, you manage that whole nasty thing when you roll down your sweat pants to the very top of your butt crack. I could go on and on with the various porn scenarios that people could work out with you showing off so much skin and bumping into the rest of us, but we'll just leave that to people's dirty imaginations. I do have to say that your complete lack of any type of body hair is astounding. Did you get lasered or is that one of the perks of being a hot Asian girl?

Third, your dancing, honey, honey, honey, your dancing. Maybe you should practice at home or something. Maybe switch to modern dance or just plain jump-roping. I dunno. I guess when you're that gorgeous, you don't really have to move much. Or think. Or have manners.

Every weekend, when I'm looking in the mirror just as class is beginning and see you coming in late, my heart skips a little. I think to myself, "Is she going to worm her way up here with us chicks who got here on time? Or, will she...please just stay in the back with the other late people?" A little part of me dies when I see you ducking your way up to stand, nay, meld up with us.

Maybe I should thank you. You have taught me the lesson of how to do a jumping, dancing, aerobic class in a one foot square area. That is a valuable skill no one can take from me. If I utilize that somewhere else, I'll be thinking of you!

The chick you keep bumping into with the big butt and unfortunate hips.

24 March 2010

Some housecleaning

I'm straightening up things in my life. It's less than exciting. I'm having some fun resurrecting this little blog, though! I gotta figure out a logo. I haven't been here for a while. It's kinda like sticking something up in the attic and forgetting about it. Then you bring it back down, dust it off, and want to have it around again.

I know I'm weird.

We'll see if this works. Sometimes things seem like a good idea, like eating at Taco Bueno or getting married, but then it turns ugly and ends up biting you on the ass.

One thing I need to update is my old blogroll. A lot of the blogs on there have gone away. So sad. Some of of them were really, really good. I chatted with every one of the writers. There are lots of cranky people in the world! The blogs listed here are all so lovely. And I deleted some. High end Mommy Bloggers irk me.

~ A Woman of Many Parts ~
as life flutters by
Bacon Grease
Because I'm Your Father
Blue Sloth
Busy Mom
Crazy Virgo
I'm ablogging
Just Another Day
Mommy Needs Coffee
Mommy off the Record
Mrs. Mogul
Suburban Bliss
Sven's Personal Memos
sweet juniper!
the adventures of freshie & zero
The Mommy Blog

As I start chatting with people again, they might get moved over to the new roll. If you want to trade links, write me! Am I a link whore? Oh. Yeah.

23 March 2010

Why Hello There

What's up with this? If you've run across this cute little blog and wonder what the hell is up with the old and new posts, please let me explain.

Oh, and welcome!

I am Gina. The Gina blog started out as a "mommy blog" and evolved into one big bitchfest. I actually wrote a lot more than you see here, but I deleted the monotonous stuff and kept some funny things. I made the mistake of trying to put a muzzle on what I felt like I wanted to write because nice mommy bloggers don't fucking scream about how stupid most people are. They talk about nice things.

I'm not really that nice.

Then I felt like I couldn't show off my art stuff and be so fucking bitchy. I was admonished a couple of times to quit the language. bleh.

Well, frankly, I can't. I bitch. That's me. Most of the time, I can be funny about it. And, sometimes, not. I also noticed I wasn't having fun with it anymore. So I shelved the gina blog.

I noticed that I missed it. I have a lot of interesting things going on that I want to bitch about. I don't want to do it on my other sites because I am going to make a living with those. Believe me, I'm not that employable, so I need them. Check them out. Buy something.

I spent the last few years trying to make a good life.

I have FINALLY figured out that I should just live one.

So here we are.

I'm going to enjoy this.

If you don't like the way I'm doing it, buh by.

13 April 2007

I might need a grant

I am currently running a study. I am trying to find out if I can raise a seven-year-old boy on the following foods:

- corn dogs

- cheetos

- milk

- strawberrys

- diet dr. pepper

My subject is very compliant to this diet. Actually, he won't eat anything else right now, so I should have solid results.

I am sure the Scientific community will be thrilled to hear how this turns out.