You can't make this up

Things said to me recently:

I was looking for you on Facebook. I thought I found you, but the profile picture was too pretty. Was that you? I want to friend you.

Wow! I go away for two weeks and come back and you look SO skinny! I can tell you've lost weight. Isn't it sad that the boobs are the first thing to go?

Some random chick at Panera Bread: Hi, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with your friend about weight, I happen to sell a product that can help you with your weight loss. It's all natural! Me: Oh, really, how much weight have you lost on it? Srcapb: Oh *smirk*, I've never needed to lose weight. Me: Oh, I don't use all natural products.

Things said about me recently:

Really cute single guy friend of a friend: Your friend Gina is hilarious! She's smart and cute! I need you find me the 30 year old version of her. (And this guy is OLDER than me.)