21 May 2010

Special Assessment

I live in a nice neighborhood.  Most of the time, everything is just peachy. But when there is money due, the old broad treasurer goes a little nutty. We recently voted to replace the old sign out on the street. We got our bill for our share, and it clearly states that the special assessment is due by June 1st.

So, I figured I would pay it by June 1st.

This idea is not sitting well with Nutso Lady. She loves to send weekly emails like the following:

Hello Friends and Neighbors,

The old front entry sign on the east has been removed and we now have a light installed to illuminate the west side sign.  Things are progressing well with the new sign project.  All electric work is completed and Greenturf will be out within the next couple of days to extend irrigation lines for plants and bushes.

Everything is almost ready for the installation of the new sign, however, we only have about half of the 90 *Where I Live* homeowners who have paid the special assessment bill, which was mailed out at the beginning of May.  We wish to thank those homeowners who have paid, but want to remind the balance that the special assessment cost is considered the same as annual dues.  It is mandatory that payment is made timely.  Payment will be considered late if not received by May 31, 2010.            

Please forward your check in the amount of $160.00 to *Where I Live*HOA,

Thank you,

*Where I Live*HOA

After several of these, you know I'm just gonna wait until May 30th to mail that fucker.

And yes, I get on her last nerve.


04 May 2010

You can't make this up

Things said to me recently:

I was looking for you on Facebook. I thought I found you, but the profile picture was too pretty. Was that you? I want to friend you.

Wow! I go away for two weeks and come back and you look SO skinny! I can tell you've lost weight. Isn't it sad that the boobs are the first thing to go?

Some random chick at Panera Bread: Hi, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with your friend about weight, I happen to sell a product that can help you with your weight loss. It's all natural! Me: Oh, really, how much weight have you lost on it? Srcapb: Oh *smirk*, I've never needed to lose weight. Me: Oh, I don't use all natural products.

Things said about me recently:

Really cute single guy friend of a friend: Your friend Gina is hilarious! She's smart and cute! I need you find me the 30 year old version of her. (And this guy is OLDER than me.)