31 October 2005

Halloween Festivis Recap

Halloween and all of the crap that goes with it is finally over. It's funny how I used to look forward to the parties and fun. Now it's always a gigantic planning odyssey. Ugh!

Fall Fest was great for the kids. Most of the parents stood around in little groups bitching about how bad off the school was and gossiping about who was leaving. The auction projects came out well - thank the Lord! I managed to get the auction done, run the Kindergarten games and not throw up. Always a good thing.

Here are a couple of the auction thingies I got done. Now - please understand that the goal is to have the kids on there somehow. Preschool is hard because they are like grabbing a chicken to get something done and the Kindergartners are not much better, but they can write their name. So please, super ubber hip chicks - no mocking. If and when you decide to have children and they get into school there will be many auctions and fundraisers that you will be just as wacky about as I am. And when you get there, you will have my pity.

The moms who are already there understand the fingerprint process. In, out, relatively painless. Throw on some details at home and you're good to go. The grandparents always eat this junk up!

I did find out something deep about myself on Saturday. During the Fall Fest, not one, not two, but FOUR people didn't know who I was. The reason? I wasn't wearing a hat. Isn't that pathetic? I am always in sweats and a baseball hat. I don't wear makeup very often. Honestly it's not a "awww - isn't she a sad freak woman" thing. It's just that I work at home. Half of the time I am painting something or making pottery. So I don't see the need to wear makeup if I am in my "work" clothes. I can fix my hair, but I hate it in my face so I wear the hat to keep it out of my face and to keep paint out of it. I do go to school from time to time with my hair fixed and makeup on. But apparently, not often enough. I really didn't think it made that much of a difference in the ability to recognize me. Gawd, some of these people.

I can dress up if I feel compelled to. I just don't that often. And yes Crazy Virgo (I'm so sorry about Molly!) - I occasionally wear sweater sets. They are required at Tea Socials. So here is a picture of me with my son. I am wearing makeup and I bothered to fix my hair. Apparently this is a rare thing so I am posting this as proof that it can happen. It is highly likely that if I ever meet or run into any of you that I will be in sweats and have a hat on. Probably the pink Oklahoma State one. That Mabel bought me.

Sunday (back in my hat) we made the DOH! move and took the kids to trick or treat at the Zoo. We had our three plus three more. Six kids to keep track of in the middle of 13,000 people. Yup, 13,000 people. That had to be one of the stupidest things we have ever done. Of course the kids had a great time.

Today my two youngest went trick or treating in a large office building next to their school. And tonight we went through our favorite neighborhood. We have so much crap. Bags and bags of crap.

Now that everyone is asleep I am going to go through it all and get all of the Snickers bars. Tomorrow I get to enjoy taking down all of the Halloween decorations. Which will force me to dust - not my favorite thing. I will be wearing the hat.

28 October 2005

TypePad should listen to Bite My Cookie!

This week has been awful. We have our Fall Fest at school tomorrow. Thank GOD it's about over. We have a little auction of class projects to cover the cost of this neato little event and I have done 3 of them this week. Three cookie jars with fingerprints all over them. And I have been so sick.

Why I only get deathly ill when I have a shitload of things to do - I don't know. I never get this sick when I can take the good stuff and sleep for twelve hours. I am a light weight when I take any kind of medication. I got to enjoy painting details on these cookie jars when I really couldn't see straight. Then I glazed them.

I have no idea WHAT they are gonna look like when they come out of the kiln tomorrow. I hope they are fine because I have reached that special place where I keep all of my psychotic bitchiness and I am so willing to tell a couple of the other mothers at school what I really think of them if they have anything to say about the quality of my projects.

It's getting ugly up there. We were pondering moving to another part of the city so that the kids could go to a good public school. But Monday my husband was offered a job he has been interviewing for since August. Yea. So we get to move to Dallas and get the kids out of that place. I should probably keep my mouth shut. For a month.

That will give me time to practice my rants so they come out really clever. I need to. I don't think they would get where I was coming from if I just stand there and scream YOU JACKASS WHORES at them.

Yep, I'm a lady.

I hope I can figure out how to sound as good as
Bite My Cookie does. She's pissed at TypePad. They should listen to her. If they don't then I may just have to call them jackass whores, too!

22 October 2005

gina meme time

I feel so lucky. I have not been reading blogs for very long and I feel like I found most of the cool chicks already. And a couple of cool boys. And of course they are doing fun and hip stuff. I am having fun following them. I am going to copy them. Maybe some day they will let me sit at their hip chick lunch table. Besides, Crazy Virgo said we should all do this meme.

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. Hold all of my grandchildren
2. Figure out how to take care of roses and not kill them
3. Have a house in London
4. Learn how to really paint
5. Speak French fluently
6. Go shopping all over Europe with Mabel
7. Own an amazing boutique

7 Things I Cannot Do:

1. Cook
2. Move gracefully
3. Finish something before starting something else
4. Math
5. Not check every blog on my blog list every day
6. Not kiss my kids on the head less than 10 times a day
7. Keep my mouth shut when I am really pissed

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex

1. Humor
2. The ability to be self-deprecating
3. A great chest
4. Brilliant creativity
5. An appreciation of clever girls
6. Intelligence
7. Manners

7 Things I say most often

1. Fuck
2. That's a grown-up word - you can't say it
3. I love you (sweet baby, cookies, daahling, mostest)
4. Go tell your dad
5. You are brilliant
6. Fucking idiot! Learn how to drive!
7. Yes, I am still working on the website

7 Celebrity Crushes

1. Colin Firth - He has the sexiest walk on the planet and I have adored him since Valmont
2. Clive Owen - He just looks like he soooo knows how to kiss
3. Mike Rowe - Wicked sense of humor - always a great thing!
4. Viggo Mortensen - But only as Aragorn and only up until he sings
5. David Duchovney - and his wife Tea Leoni for that matter - they are my celebrity couple crush
6. Jon Stewart - Sexy, clever, and brilliant!
7. Alan Rickman - Gorgeous British Man

7 favorite foods to eat on the couch

1. Cheez-Its - they are evil, evil, evil
2. Chocolate Chip Cookies
3. Hershey's Kisses
4. Cookie Dough Ice Cream
5. Hideaway Pizza
6. Chips and Borden's French Onion Dip
7. A bowl of Special K

Yea! I did it. My first meme about me me. Now git on it Mabel!

21 October 2005

Where did this come from?

A conversation from today:

Saw the Super Six Year Old: Mom, how do you spell bosom?

Me: (Caught off guard) Why do you want to know?

Saw the Super Six Year Old: Is there a Z in it? Is it b-u-z-z-u-m-z?

Me: Noooo, um it's b-o-s-o-m. When did you hear this? Who was talking about bosoms?

Saw the Super Six Year Old: What are you so grumpy about?

Me: I'm not grumpy, I just want to know who was talking about this with you.

Saw the Super Six Year Old: It's Grandma, in the booook (exasperated face).

Me: What book?

Saw the Super Six Year Old: WHAAAAATTTT ARRRRE YOUUUU SOOO GRUMPYEEEEE AAABBOUUUUTTT (thinks to himself - did Mom bump her head?) You know, the kids get lost in there.

Me: OOOOHHH, yea, What Are You So Grumpy About. Ok, now I know what is going on. The book I have read to you a hundred times (did I bump my head?).

Saw the Super Six Year Old: Yea, so b-o-s-o-m. Are you sure there isn't a Z?

Me: Yup, I'm sure there's no Z in bosom.

Ms. P: (just breezing through the room) Bosom is another word for boobs!

I need a nap.

20 October 2005

Buzzy's Adventure

Each child in my son's Kindergarten class gets to spend a week with Buzzy the Bear. Each child is supposed to do something with the bear, take pictures doing stuff with the bear, and then record all of this in Buzzy's Journal. What I love about these cute little assignments is the fact that they cannot be done by the child. So this is actually an assignment for me. Yea. I don't have enough to do anyway - why not!

The 10 year old had no interest in helping. Ms. P. jumped all over helping Saw and away we went. Thank goodness no one had thought of going to the Oklahoma City Museum of Art yet. So that is where Buzzy's Adventures begin.

We bebop on in to the museum. We have a membership so I thought we could just slip in really fast, get this done, and move on. I went on this little jaunt dressed in sweats, no make-up on, wearing a ball hat - my loveliest, let me tell ya.

As we walk in I am horrified to see that a swanky reception is going on in the lobby. I was severely under dressed. And I was dragging two kids with me - the latest in Fall Accessories. Oh well. I get permission from all of the powers that be at the front desk to take pictures in the museum. We can take flash photos in front of the Chihuly glass pieces.

So here is Buzzy's first photo in the museum. Keep in mind that standing behind me as I shoot this photo are about 200 very well dressed people drinking cocktails. I didn't feel conspicuous at all! The Chihuly Tower behind the kids is awe inspiring in person. The museum was designed around it.

Interesting side note: DO NOT let your child put their fingers in the water (even a little bit!) around the base of the Tower. It has chemicals in it to keep it clear and pretty and it makes the two museum security people sitting at their little swanky desk up front flip out! They will give you a detailed explanation about this happily in front of two hundred well dressed people that includes looks of disdain and finger pointing. I think the feeling of "why can't you control your children" was just a freebie they threw in. I wanted one more shot, check out how Saw is NOT putting his fingers in the water and keeping a smart eye on the museum security people.

After that fun little interlude I practically threw the kids in the elevator to go upstairs. Here is Buzzy in a swanky museum elevator.

It is really hard to appreciate how beyond amazing the Chihuly glass pieces are. The pictures just don't do it. But Buzzy did get to see them in person. Now in this shot there is an adorable little man in a Blue Museum Blazer standing behind me making sure I take the picture correctly. Full service is our museum's middle name!

This is in the hallway in the middle of the exhibit and the ceiling is full of glass pieces. It is soooo cool!

After this I thought Buzzy could go to the new library across the street. So we got to walk through 200 well dressed people one more time. This time I run into a lovely woman I know and got to chat among the two hundred well dressed people with two children who were ready to go to the library.

Good times.

The Ronald J. Norick Downtown Library is gorgeous and Buzzy was very excited. Here they are out in front after our harrowing adventure crossing the street.

Finally we made it inside and Buzzy got to see the amazing Children's Library. We just love this place. I think the kids took all of the summer classes this year.

Buzzy was only allowed to check out two books this time. He decided to take his time.

After a while, I got tired of the book searching and decided we should go home and eat some dinner. In a lame attempt to fill up our share of the book I took this picture with the VERY NICE Officer Perry. This cracked up our daughter Peri and she thought it was cool that she had the same name as a POLICE MAN!

I hope this is enough work for Saw to do! And I hope Mrs. G. thinks he did a good job.

18 October 2005

Such a busy chick!

I admit I am a follower. I went to You can't make this stuff up today to check in on Marit's adventures and she had done this. So, of course, I had to go to Googlism immediately to check out my name....

Apparently I am a porn star

gina is a 8thstreetlatina trying to f*** her way into america si, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do - and do it a lot!

gina is standing in the doggy style pose and laura is ******* her just part of the "get into America" plan.

gina is f****** for a better life is that what I'm doing? I thought I was just married.

gina is pregnant no, that ship has sailed far, far away

gina is incredibly cute yup, that one's true

gina is gorgeous it's like they KNOW me!

gina is hard at work recording her demo album under the vision of producers I will premiere the video here next spring

gina is the biggest f****** bitch ever omg! they really do know me!

gina is a miracle I know you all feel that way!

gina is to communicate with an external device such as a smart now we're back to the "get into America" plan

gina is so wise; i have to listen carefully to catch her thickened speech isn't everyone smarter when they are smashed? I think so!

gina is naive and new in town finally, I made it to America, I am tired and sore.

gina is a usdf certified instructor and currently has 16 horses and their owners in training at the farm and her day is rounded out with about 10 additional and utilizing my skills here

gina is developing a clear sense of who she is and how to use her creative powers with the greatest efficiency I make sure all of my porn movies have a fully developed story line and I get them shot in one day.

gina is currently working in the active rehabilitation of repetitive overuse injuries in the porn industry that's called multi-tasking

gina is to return to bali for a show at the hard rock hotel later this year after my studio work is done

gina is available for private consultations and telepathic communication sessions by phone it's like I know YOU

gina is licensed to practice law in massachusetts and the district of columbia I am a smart porn star - just protecting my interests

gina is going to raise her eyebrow when acting the ultimate porn trick

Now go googlism yourself and see how busy you are!

16 October 2005

Safety? PU shaw!

In my husband's family, I am the obnoxious sister-in-law. He has THREE sisters. It is a party for me, let me tell ya. They are nice enough to my face. We can actually go to his mother's and enjoy Christmas. So I don't bitch a lot. I am restrained and do not tell them my opinion - very much. They are restrained and do not tell me their opinion - to my face. They are nice enough to bitch about me to my husband when I am not around.

There are a lot of reasons to dislike me.

- I actually decorate my house.

- I buy my clothes at stores other than Walmart.

- I buy my kids clothes at stores other than Walmart.

- I pay more that $15 for a hair cut.

- I spend time making art.

- I don't spend enough time selling my art to justify doing it.

- I spend too much time selling my art to justify doing it.

- I have too many rich friends.

- I put my kids in private school (actual quote: "Well, if you put them in your neighborhood school and they do get beaten up by thugs, they will learn to toughen up.")

- I have not moved to the small town they all live in.

- I don't make my husband do enough.

- I make my husband do too much.

This is my personal favorite: I MAKE MY CHILDREN SIT IN CARSEATS!

Don't you think I am crazy?!?

These are people who ride around holding a two year old in their lap as they are driving down to the Walmart. Since I gave birth to my son years ago this has been an issue. I would make my in-laws put the baby carrier in the back seat when they were taking him home for a visit. This just chapped my mother-in-law because that forced her to sit back there if she wanted to look at the baby. I am just a worrywart about that silly old airbag!

My sisters-in-law roll their eyes at me A LOT about this. Today my husband's oldest sister came by to take the kids to the zoo. It was very sweet of her. I don't mind that she hangs out with the kids in spite of the fact that she obviously loathes me.

I offered to let her take my van so we wouldn't have to move the seats. She said that she wouldn't feel comfortable driving my car. So then I proceed to go out to get the carseats to put them in her car.

We have two kids that have to sit in them. They are just booster seats and I don't think they are such big a deal. But to her they are. WHY? Ugh! Again, for the 100th time - Why do they need carseats? Aren't they getting old enough just to sit in the seat?

Well, NO! Ironically, the State of Oklahoma passed a booster seat law last year. The fine is $240 if a child under 5' or under 80 pounds is not in a booster seat. The LAW is on my side. Austin, our oldest is tall enough and weighs enough to get out of the booster. But Ms. P only weighs 68 pound and is 4'4" tall. And of course, Saw is only in Kindergarten and has a good two or three years left in his seat.

Why, honestly, would you care if you were taking my kids somewhere and I wanted them in carseats? What is the big thing that makes my in-laws get so miffed about this? When we were getting the seats out of our van M. stood there and still said "you guys are just silly."

I swear I could just strangle this woman. But I didn't. I just smiled at her and kept my mouth shut.

Like a good sister-in-law.

15 October 2005

Baby Lovefest

We are having a love fest here. I am not ready for this. How did my children get old enough to start "liking" people? This is getting strange.

My 10 year old son likes a darling girl in his class. She likes him. Their relationship involves doing class work together. I noticed during Friday recess duty that they do a lot of chatting. OK, that is not that big a deal. Up until now he has been oblivious to the girls who like him. He is a good sweet boy and it will take him a while to catch on to the whole boy/girl thing. He is one of those studious, responsible types. Girls have not been a priority to him. So I thought I had more time to wrap my mind around this.

But - my daughter decided to start liking boys. This is new. Up until now she has been adored by all of the boys in her class and one aberrant third grader. Last year one of the boys actually gave her flowers for her birthday. Her response was "oh, thanks." Not a big deal. She didn't really "like" anyone. She just went through the world assuming everyone thought she was great.

Now all of a sudden, Dylan is wonderful.

Dylan is a darling boy. He was very quiet last year. This year he is a little more extroverted.

I guess she has noticed.

I had no idea this was coming until we got our school pictures back last week. Ms. Peri and I were looking at her class photo and I mentioned that everyone looked nice in the picture. She gazed at the photo and said in a quiet voice, "and Dylan is handsome." Alarm bells immediately went off in my head. Ugh, must start the *BIG* Boy Conversations. SHE'S ONLY EIGHT!

So I asked her, "uhm, so do you think Dylan is cute now?" She promptly rolls her eyes at me (I can't believe that's already started!) and says "Mooom!" I had to stifle a gulp/snicker and ask her if she thought he was a nice boy.

"Yes, Mom! He is very nice! Stop embarrassing me!"

As she stomped off in a huff because I embarrassed her I thought OMG! The DRAMA begins in earnest.

Now my youngest son has always been "the man" in his Pre-School class. We will never forget the Sawyer/Daisy/Thatcher Loooove Triangle. Now he is in a deep and meaningful relationship with Harriet. He is sad because this year he went on to Kindergarten and she was left behind in Pre-School.

He asked if he could call her this morning. He thought it was only fair that he get to call someone after watching his brother talk to one of his buddies about a video game and his sister talk to one of her friends about their Halloween costumes.

Oh what the heck - I gave her mom a call and asked her if it would be alright for them to talk. She is really cool and she thought it was cute and let Harriet talk. Saw and Harriet chatted for an HOUR. An HOUR! They talked about Halloween, they talked about cartoons, they gossiped about their classmates. If not for the subject matter, they could have been at a cocktail party.

After their conversation, he asked me to arrange lunch with her at McDonald's. Does it count as a date if both her mom and I have to be there?

This is where I am starting to get freaked out.

09 October 2005

Kid quote of the day....

"Hey mom, my armpits are sweaty - and they smell like chocolate!"


07 October 2005

Deep Mothering Question #1

I do not understand this phenomenon:

Week nights - children extremely difficult to get into bed. Energy abounds and talking won't stop.

Week days - children extremely difficult to get out of bed. Crankiness abounds and whining won't stop.

Weekend nights - children pass out around 8:30 pm.

Weekend mornings - children wake up at 6:30 am in chipper moods and want to spend quality time with groggy parents.